The only constant of people is their inconsistency.
Truth is that your only problem is getting attached.
Is it true that all of us are, at one level or another, attached to a routine? The sure destiny of tomorrow, predicted events, what happened yesterday is likely to happen today and as likely to happen tomorrow, at least taking a higher scale of events. Even if you like surprises and unexpected issues, you cannot deny that they give you a sense of uneasiness, even in the slightest.
That gets to a point where you are stuck in a feeling of a comfortable routine with people. They help you go about your daily life; with some of them you feel like you’re a married couple. Together at breakfast, lunch, dinner, together in the same clubs, together in the same classes. They are a constant presence and help that you can count on no matter what. You get attached to these presences and to these people; to the good part you see.
You get to believe in it. You believe in this sacred comfort, and it just gets engrained deeper and deeper in your bones, in your brain.
Love, that feeling you used to get with all of them, all of your friends, all your colleagues, it stops being about excitement, visiting places, having fun, enjoying anymore. It turns into being about homework help, and complaining about workload, and always seeing them in the same place in a classroom or at the same lunch table every. single. day. And after, you get tired and annoyed with each other, because when you see someone you know that after ‘Hey’ comes ‘Oh my God I am so tired’ and pointless talk. There is too much time and nothing to say, so you fill it with boring conversation which instead of tightening the bond between you, drives you further and further apart.
Them being sad is perhaps my worst nightmare. Seeing that spark in people’s eyes go away, seeing that happiness and that excitement draining like from that broken shower pipe no one fixed because we were all either too busy or too tired to tell the houseparents. And you realize that the problem might come from you. Perhaps you are the tired one, the empty one, the sad one. And you take a break, a few days without seeing them and that break is heaven, because you know that when you come back, they will be there, even louder, smiling brighter. And life has colours again.
Anyway, none of us want to acknowledge the fact that one break we won’t come back. All those people will be long gone, with their smiles and their sparks, away to great destinies, on a journey to change the world. None of us want to think that these people here, now, the solid beings under your hands every day, will at some point leave and vanish with the wings of an airplane. And you try to tell yourself that there is no point in getting attached and you should back down.
The truth is that you love them anyway.
Written by Maria Tirnovanu
Edited by Carlos Sevilla and Hannah Cook